I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
