don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize