Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He did a backflip because drugs
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