The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
