I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
