if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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