I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
