I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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