hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
