You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
too bad you live with your parents still
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
