thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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