I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
