I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
