Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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