I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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