Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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