Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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