oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
