he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
