so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
