if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
