apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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