After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
