OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
