Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
