im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
