i already hear my dad disowning me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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