When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
