epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
