we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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