I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
