I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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