are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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