I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Are my feet made of real feet?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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