i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
