My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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