I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
