I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Text me some of your sweat
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
