omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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