I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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