very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
