i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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