dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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