Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
