How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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