On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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