Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
