I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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