How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
