just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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