What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
