Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
