i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
