:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
