whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
