I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
