Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i am craving dick and cupcakes
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
