am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
