I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
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They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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