this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
