I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize