I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
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