Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
