Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My vagina is very pro this idea
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
